A few thoughts and observations

Yesterday there was cloud coverage. Still it was a beautiful day. I drove into town and through the clouds the sun peeked through and shimmered on the bay. I had to stop and take a picture of it.

I can't count the times I'd seen that same thing over the years. All I know is that right now when I see it, I realize how important these things that I used to take for granted are to me.

I'm not as emotional as I was the first day or so I was back, but things happen or someone will say something and I still tear up.

The other day I went to the bank to change my address back to my Homer address. After I filled out the paperwork, Becky said, "Welcome home again." I teared up. I just smiled and pointed to my eyes. Then she told me about the year they lived in Anchorage and how her son was jumping up and down in the car begging her to drive faster when they were making their return trip to Homer.

I understood exactly what she was saying. She understood exactly why there were tears in my eyes.

That is why Homer is Homer. Most of us here know exactly why we're here. When we leave and come back, there are so many who understand what our time away was really like for us. They get how lonely and horrible it really has been.

There are times when I'll see a familiar view, just like the sun breaking through the clouds and shimmering on the bay and I'll tear up. I can't help it. These are the things that I've missed so much. These are the things that I've searched for first in Dillingham and more recently in Juneau. But they avoided me. At least in Dillingham I was able to see for miles and miles. And Dillingham does have a sense of community.

Neither Dillingham nor Juneau are my community though.

Here I can tell others that even the women in black are a welcomed sight. Again, they get what I'm saying.

I've made a lot of progress in many areas in such a short time. People are amazed at all the things I'm accomplishing. I'm amazed at times, too. But this is important to me. Very important.

In fact, this morning I had one more reminder just how important.

My oldest son is shipping out to Iraq tomorrow. I know I'm going to worry. It's my job to worry. Since I'm going to worry, I want to be home surrounded by family and friends. I need to be home, surrounded by family and friends.

Some of the things that's happened in the last few days are going to piss off friends. I can't help it. It's my life. I have to live it in a way that makes me happy. I know what I need for a happy life.

In a few hours I'm going to run into town and have lunch with my "unhinged" buddy. It will be fun and it will be so good to talk to a friend who I know will listen and be happy for me.

It's great to be home, even if it's only for a few days. I've missed this place where I'm completely safe, physically and emotionally.

Why in the hell did I ever leave? I know why, but those things are no longer true.