Seven eleven

That's the date. Where is this month going to?

On my way to work today I noticed the fireweed. It's half way up the stalk. Oops. Oh. My. God. Where has half the summer gone? Okay, so for those of you who don't live in Alaska, yes, I know, your summer just started. This. Is. Alaska. Ours is basically over when it starts. Shorter days. Longer nights...and on it goes until we wake up and the hair in our nose freezes with that first breath of fresh air when we walk outside. Or our feet slip out from underneath us because we just knew it wasn't time to strap on the YakTraks yet.


But winter is around the corner. Right now we can still have a fruit salad that has all those different flavors. Veggies are nice and crisp. A lot of times my meals consist of items from the produce aisle. Tonight I had grape tomatoes and garlic bread. How fast can I go through a two pound package of grape tomatoes? Uh...from the looks of it, about 24 hours.

It's times like now when the desire to go back to Dillingham dulls. I don't want to go without fresh produce again.

I don't have a television, so I listen to the radio. I can listen to the radio here. I couldn't in Dillingham. The selection there stunk, IMO. Sorry all you NPR supporters, but 24/7 of NPR makes me want to puke.

I love my cell phone. Love, love, love it. I had to give it up in Dillingham.

But...even with all those things I can't have in Dillingham, there are times I do miss being there. What do I miss? The people.

Still, I do like it here. I go through periods when I want something familiar and safe, but those moments pass and I'm fine again.

There are times I get frustrated with myself. Why do I really like it here one minute and want to run away the next? All I have to do is remember the past year. It's been one major change after another.

I went from Homer, a place that had been my home for years, to Dillingham. I went from being a wife and care giver to being an employee. I went from thinking my life was pretty stable to going through a divorce. I went from a safe, secure place like Dillingham, to the third largest city in Alaska and a new job. I went from knowing a lot of people to knowing enough to be happy to knowing no one.

So, if I sound flaky at times, I probably am. I'm adjusting. I don't mean to sound flighty, but after decades of making decisions based on what was best for the kids and/or husband, I'm learning how to make decisions based on what's best for me. It's a brand new world to me.

Especially now when my schedule here will change again, and I'll be taken out of the known world that I've been in for the last two months and put into yet another world. Plus, we're going through the paperwork for the divorce. We're getting the settlement figured out. Even when a divorce is mutual and we both want to be able to go on with our lives, ending a marriage takes an emotional toll.

I now have one of the dogs with me. We're going through an adjustment, too. She's used to a lot more space. I'm not used to rushing out the door for a morning walk quite so early. Or making sure the house is THAT clean. But she's worth it.

Enjoy the rest of the summer.