R.I.P. Pamela

Pamela has been on my mind all day.

Little things such as knowing I should drop her an email, then putting it off because I thought I was too busy.

Big things such as all the time we spent talking after John died. She held my hand. She'd recently gone through the same thing with a mentor of hers. She knew how I felt. She knew the heartache and sorrow. And we shared our stories with each other.

I remember one email she sent to me. She apologized for not writing sooner. She explained why she hadn't, then said she should have written anyway. I was stunned. She had so much on her plate at that time. Big things. Huge things. I told her to never, ever apologize for taking care of important things.

There are many words that could be used to describe Pamela. Nice is the easiest one to use. She was the nicest, kindest, gentlest person I've ever had the good fortune of knowing. But she was so much more.

When I was ready to strangle people, Pamela was always polite and kind. Which is why there were times she'd forward me an email with a one-liner from her attached to it that would cause me to spew whatever drink was in my mouth onto the monitor. Snark was my strong-suit. Nice was hers. When she used snark or more accurately sarcasm it was extremely funny.

To get an idea of who Pamela was, visit here. Plan to spend some time there. She put a lot of work into her web site. It's loaded with all kinds of information.

Rest in peace, dear friend. You touched so many lives. I wonder if you have any idea just how many are mourning our loss today. Knowing you, I'd say you didn't.

Blue Alaska

A few minutes ago I received several emails. They all had the same subject line: Pamela's death.

Pamela Joy my wonderful friend and webmistress passed away.

I'm on my way out the door to work, but later I'll share some of my memories of Pamela.

Already the world is a bleaker place without her. My deepest sympathy to her family and her extended family. Pamela Joy was a beacon of bright light even during the darkest hours.

Rest in peace, Pamela. You were loved by so many.

Comment again and stuff

Comments have been turned off. I don't have the time to deal with the freaking spammers. Fucking moron idiots that don't have anything else to do with their fucking time. Well, guess what idiots? I work full time, run a house, plus have plenty of input on another house a few hundred miles away, plus write books. I don't have time for your bullshit. So, because of the slime I'm shutting off all comments. Fuckwits.

No matter how the previous paragraph sounds, I've noticed my sense of humor has kicked in. Yeah, I can make a comment and get my co-workers shaking their head at me. But they come up with some great one-liners, too. Too bad I can't capture a few of them for my writing, but I think they'd be lost to those outside the medical field. Too bad, because there's some beauties that get tossed around.

I'm really pretty happy with the job. I always loved the work. It was the politics within the hospital environment that bugged me. Right now I get to do the work I love doing without being caught up with the internal politics.

I'm sure there is some here, but I wonder if it will ever be on the level it's at other places.

Over all, Dillingham is not like any other place I've been. At work, a large portion of the staff are temporary. I think that keeps a lot of the negative away. Which is good.

I still haven't spent much time in Dillingham. It's six miles away. We can check out a vehicle, but there's only a couple and it's a first come first served basis. I did run into town today for more groceries. I did have total sticker price today. I finally found a 2 liter bottle of soda. Not my flavor, which was fine. I refuse to pay $4.78 or was it $4.98 for a 2 liter bottle of soda. The man who used to allow me to wash his dirty dishes picked up four 2 liter bottles in Homer for $1.25 each.

UPS and FedEx are jokes here. Express mail and priority mail take precedence over UPS or FedEx. In fact, if it's not shipped either express or priority, there's no assurances to delivery. I'd hate to have someone ship me something media mail. I might get it sometime in 2006. I have serious doubts if it would arrive before Christmas.

Dillingham is off the beaten path. Hell, it's off the path period. If a horrible storm front moves in, all flights are cancelled. Yeah, that's somewhat scary. I don't know the longest they've been cancelled, but I've heard something about two weeks. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes.

Most days have been cloudy since I've been here. Today was another rainy, drizzly day. On the way into town it was halfway between drizzle and rain. Plus the wind had picked up. I'm assuming the roads can be very interesting when they're covered with ice, especially if the wind is blowing. I hope they put studded tires on the vehicles when things start freezing.

I know I keep talking about pictures. I keep putting them off. This area doesn't have a good internet connection. Remember the previous paragraph...off the path? Well, this area doesn't have hard phone lines. Therefore DSL isn't real DSL. Dialup isn't real dailup. Hell, phone calls have echoes. It's part of living here.

The rules that apply to living in other areas of Alaska, especially the areas on the road system, don't exist here.

What does this have to do with the pictures? Everything. I need a large chunk of time to spend getting them sent to this blog with such a slow connection. I haven't found that large chunk of time. When I do, I'll try to post a few. Which means I'll have to take more pictures.

From Dillingham...Jody

September 14

Life has been a roller coaster.

The first day of work was simply horrible. I made so many screw ups. It felt like everything I did was wrong or so hard to do. I used to do this stuff with my eyes closed. Not really, but you get the idea. It was second nature to me.

Slowly, it's coming back. Little things that I used to know I have to stop and think about. Uh, which lens do I use to look at this under the microscope. At least enough unique things appear that I spot that they know I'm not a fake. These are things a fake wouldn't know. Whew. At least I remember some of the things.

By the end of the first day, I really didn't know how I'd last the week. No, no one was horrible toward me. I just felt so bad because I felt I wasn't what they wanted or needed.

Day two, things improved. More things came back. There's still a zillion things to remember, but things were coming back. Yay. Today was day three. Yes, more things returned. I still stumble and I will for a while. But things are getting easier.

So far the weather is still pretty much like Homer. Mid 50s, rain. I heard there should be some lovely northern lights tonight. Oh well. We won't see them. It's cloudy.

I went into town after work with a co-worker. I really needed to hit the grocery store again. Now I have food. I was wrong. The prices are higher than Homer. Oh well, I need food. If I'm going to work, I'm going to eat. It's a very basic thing about life.

On the way into town, I wanted to kick myself. I forgot to grab the camera. The colors are gorgeous. It's fall. This area has more hardwood trees than the Kenai Peninsula, plus their spruce are a gorgeous green. So, the grass/weeds were a nice rusty brown, the leaves yellow/orangish and the lush green spruce. I'll see if I can get one of the vehicles this weekend and take a few pictures of the town and the colors. They aren't anything like other areas of the country, but I still like them.

One major drawback is the internet here. I'm on dialup and it's pretty slow. I don't know if it's as slow as dialup was in Homer, but it feels like it's as slow. For some reason, I can't send email. I don't know why. I can receive it, but I can't get it to send. When I respond to email I have to go to the web site and write the email there. It takes so long. No more clicking and responding in no time.

Everything with the internet seems to take so long. Much longer than I want to spend time dealing with it. Plus there's only one phone line. In a couple weeks when I start taking call backs I won't be able to keep the line tied up with the internet.

After the cancelled flight, the horrible first day, the slooooowwwwww internet, there's still a lot here that I do like. I'm glad I'm here. I hope the man who I'll allow to wash my dirty dishes and our dogs were here, but all in all, I'm having fun. I'm seeing a part of Alaska many never see. I'm learning about a new area. I'm learning how to pronounce names of villages.

I'll try to get some pictures posted this weekend. Really.

Home Base: Dillingham, Alaska

September 11, 2005

As I’m writing this, Internet isn’t available. Those around me have it, but I don’t. I was positive on Friday that I wouldn’t have to be disconnected at all. I checked my new email address while still in Homer. My thoughts were simple: if that’s set up, then when I get there, the rest will be ready.

I’ve spent over nine years in Alaska. When will I learn that what appears simple may, in fact, be complicated? Obviously I didn’t remember that on Friday and for some reason, I was shocked, yes, actually shocked when I arrived on Saturday and tried to sign in and was told my user name and password weren’t working.

Well, one negative isn’t bad.

I left Homer at 7:45 a.m. yesterday. The plane was a little late getting into Anchorage, but only by a few minutes. My next flight wasn’t until 9:41 a.m. so I had plenty of time. For some reason, don’t ask why, because I don’t have a clue, when I checked in at Homer, they couldn’t give me the boarding pass on the flight from Anchorage to Dillingham. Sure, ERA leaves Homer, and Alaska Airlines flies into Dillingham. But ERA is a subsidiary of Alaska Airlines. I stood in line to get my boarding pass, looking at my watch. It was 9:00 a.m., so the 9:41 a.m. flight felt very quickly. Plus I had to go through security. Oye.

I asked one of the women outside of the ticketing area if I needed a boarding pass since I was checked through in Homer. “No,” she said. “You have an electronic ticket.”

Cool. I left the long line and tried to get through security. Oops. You can’t get past the first gate keeper if you don’t have a boarding pass. Wasted time.

I rushed back to the ticketing counter. At least the line wasn’t near as long. With my boarding pass in hand, I tackle security. Ding, ding, ding. I win the prize. I get a bag check. My lighter didn’t make it through. “Ma’am,” says the nice man (yes, he really was nice), “You can’t have a lighter.”

I nod. “Not a problem. You can have it. I wasn’t sure.”

“No, lighters have been banned since April.”

“Not a problem. I haven’t flown since 1997. I figured there would be at least one change.”

The rest of my carry-on possessions made it through. Yay. I didn’t have to share my Pop Tarts with them.

I made it on time for my connection to Dillingham. In fact, I had time to spare. When I arrived at the gate, the board had an announcement. It was delayed until 10:05 a.m. Good. That was enough time to collect my thoughts and get ready for the hour flight to Dillingham. Yet, it was a short enough time that I wasn’t ready to ring necks for a smoke. I could go another ninety minutes before fangs sprang forth and I tried to suck nicotine from the veins of anyone who appeared to have had a smoke any time after 7:00 a.m.

When 10:30 a.m. arrived and we still hadn’t boarded the plane, I was a little nervous. Not to worry. Within minutes, we were given the lovely news that our flight was cancelled. Huh? WFT?!!! Cancelled. This can’t be. But it could, because it was.

Then the confusion really began. We could attempt to get on Pen Air, which was only stand by, but they had a plane leaving at noon. Or we could catch the next Alaska Airlines flight at 5:20 p.m.

It appeared that we were to claim our baggage and recheck it either at Pen Air or at Alaska Airlines closer to our new flight time. By that time, I realized how heavy my carry-on was. Now I had to tote around two suitcases filled with books???!!!!

Back to Alaska Airlines ticketing counter (which is outside of the security area). The agent who rebooked me on the 5:20 p.m. flight had just come off a break. She was very pleasant. She asked if I wanted standby on Pen Air. I told her no, I could wait. She looked at me and said, “You’re so nice.”

Actually, as all of you know, I’m not always nice. Most of the people who were on the cancelled flight were flying over to Dillingham to hunt. I don’t have a clue how much their trip cost them. What I did know, those who couldn’t get on Pen Air would lose a day that they’d already paid for. Sure hanging out in an airport is boring, but other than spending money on food, the several hours wasn’t costing me several hundred dollars. I had to be there for Monday. I had time. They didn’t. It just seemed logical to allow the few that could go on Pen Air to be someone other than me. Especially when she told me I didn’t have to get my luggage that they’d transfer it to my later flight.

That was solved by 11:00 a.m. Great. Six hours. I had cigarettes, but no lighter, thanks to the nice security guy. No, I didn’t ask him if I could have it back, but I was tempted. I started for the outside area. I saw a woman put out her cigarette and come in. They were inside by the time I reached them. Yes, I did ask her if she could come outside so I could borrow her lighter. She obliged me.

Alaska Airlines did give out a package for the inconvenience. Five bucks off food, a phone card and 1,000 airline miles or $25.00 off our next ticket. No, it wasn’t a killer deal, but what the hell, it was better than an apology.

After I finished my cigarette, I came inside and used their phone card to call the man who allows me to wash his dirty dishes. He expected a phone call by 11ish. Well, he got it. Only problem, he expected me to be in Dillingham. Not exactly.

I asked him to call the laboratory and let them know I would be a little late.

I went through security again. (By the time my flight left, most of them knew my first name.) It was time to use the fiver dollar food certificate. No, it didn’t cover the cost, but it saved me five bucks, so I can’t complain.

I realize this is long, but there’re a lot of things I want to get down before I forget them. I’ve never flown from Homer to anywhere. The view from the air is nothing like the view from the road or the water. Each method of travel has benefits. I’m glad I finally saw my home from the air.

I knew Alaska had millions of lakes. Minnesota has nothing compared to the lakes up here. They were everywhere. As I gazed out the window, I couldn’t count them. Yes, there are that many. They range from pond size to very large. We spent a few minutes flying over lake Tustemena. I saw a boat on it, going fairly fast, but from the altitude, I couldn’t see the boat, just the wake.

Somewhere around TurnAgain Arm, we flew through clouds. Okay, I have problems with planes and clouds. The man who allows me to wash his dirty dishes has his private pilot’s license. The one fact he taught me that hidden in those clouds is cumulus granite. Before we were swallowed by the clouds, I saw plenty of mountains. Yeah. Cumulus granite.

I was a little disappointed by not being able to see TurnAgain Arm from the air. Because on the road, it is ugly. Well, it’s ugly when the tides out. When the tides in it has the appearance of being a lovely beach. Yeah. Right. It’s mud flats. It’s ugly.

By the time our plane left Anchorage, the clouds had lifted. I saw the island in the middle of TurnAgain Arm. I’d heard about it, but it’s not something visible via the road. It’s visible from the air when the clouds aren’t obstructing your view.

I really don’t know if I saw all the things I thought I saw. I have no clue what route we took. I miss my internet because I want to Google things to see if I’m right about what I saw.

I believe I saw Illiamna Lake. Whatever I saw, it was huge. So huge that as I peered out the window I couldn’t see the end of it to the left nor the front. I didn’t know if we were flying directly over it, but within a couple minutes I realized we were flying along the shore. I’d say from the time I looked down and saw the plane was over the water and until the plane was past the lake was ten to fifteen minutes.

It’s about 313 air miles from Anchorage to Dillingham. The flight was an hour flight. We were only on one edge of the lake. I haven’t done the math, but I’m going to assume the square miles of that lake’s high. I’m not sure if it’s Illiamna, but I believe it was.

The next thing I noticed as we left the lake behind us was the mountains. Extremely rugged. Even raw. Gigantic.

We’ve been in Alaska since early June 1996. Yesterday I feel in love with Alaska all over again. While I realize there’s more of the state I haven’t seen, yesterday gave me somewhat of an understanding of just how large Alaska really is. The one thing I realized, Alaska will never be tamed. She’s too large, too rugged, too raw for man to ever tame her. I also realized all the fighting over Alaska and even within the state of Alaska about Alaska is stupid. Man will never tame Alaska. I imagine those who believe there’s a chance of that happening have lived like I lived until yesterday…on the highways, be they the marine highway or the road system.

There are a few who have traveled off the road system who are fearful that Alaska will be tamed. I suspect if any one took the time, they’d find some special interest money behind the passionate plea to save Alaska. What I saw yesterday from the air is a teeny, tiny portion of Alaska. Man will not over-develop Alaska. It’s impossible. Anchorage can be over-developed, Kenai can, even Homer, but not Alaska.

As we descended there were several things I noticed. One, the area is a lot flatter than what I’m used to. There are a lot of bogs, swampy areas surrounding Dillingham. Their trees are alive. Coming from the Kenai Peninsula, it was great to see live trees. They don’t have near the spruce we have on the Kenai, but the ones I’ve seen are healthy and gorgeous.

The airport is closer to what I’d always imagined an Alaskan airport to be like. It’s their life line to the outside world, yet the buildings are built for practicality, not optic pleasure.

One of my future co-workers met me at the airport. He’s here on a temporary assignment. He leaves in October. He’s not crazy about the area. Before we came to the hospital, we went into Dillingham. It appears that for a town this size, there are a lot of bars. I know it bugs my co-worker. He doesn’t drink. Neither do I, but at this moment, it really doesn’t bug me that bars are a big part of the night life here.

We stopped at one of the grocery stores. I wanted to make sure I had plenty of Diet Coke. I picked up a twelve pack. It was on sale for $6.48. My receipt shows that I saved $2.81. Do the math if you want to know what the normal price will be. I’m too tired. A jar of Jiffy peanut butter that was $6.99 is $7.95 here. A loaf of OroWheat 12 Grain bread is $3.75 here, versus $3.89 in Homer. Hum. A package of two dozen eggs in Homer is around $2.79-$3.12ish. In Dillingham the same package is $4.59. A gallon of 2% milk here was $6.49. The expiration date was September 19^th. A half gallon was $3.89 with an expiration date of November sometime. I went for that one. I can drink that much before November. I also purchased two other sale items. Two bags of Kettle Chips for five dollars. Two Red Baron pizzas for ten bucks. I saved $2.75 per pizza. I just ate half of one. I don’t care how much Digorno’s cost, next time, if I buy pizza that’s what I’ll buy.

The next stop was the hospital. It’s small. Very small. But it looks nice. In fact, out of everything I’ve seen here, the hospital appears to be not only visually pleasant, but efficient. The buildings in town appear to be built for efficiency.

I met one of the doctors and saw the lab. I’m not near as nervous as I was before stepping into the lab. I still have a lot to remember, but I know it’s there and it will come back.

Then I saw my furnished apartment. I don’t know what others expected, but before I arrived, I expected much less. A couple times they sounded almost apologetic about the living quarters. Okay, maybe it’s because I’ve lived so many years without kitchen cabinets, or we’ve lived without other things, but I was very pleased to see the apartment.

They said it was small. I expected small. I live in small. I have more square feet here than I have at home.

I’ll post pictures of the place later. I didn’t get any pictures on the plane. By the time I boarded for Dillingham, I was exhausted.

I’ll try to take pictures of the surrounding area. Once I’m all set, I’ll branch out and include pictures of Dillingham.

My thoughts? The scenery isn’t like that around Homer. Even so, I imagine Dillingham is pretty close to what Homer was like before the tourist made it to the end of the road. From the pictures I’ve seen of the Homer that used to be, it appeared to be built based on efficiency. The Homer of today is built for tourism.

Yes, people are swarming to the Dillingham area to hunt right now. The difference between the hunters in Dillingham and the tourists in Homer: the hunters fly into the airport, board a much smaller plane to fly out into a remote area. They won’t see running water or flushing toilets until they’re ready to board the plane and leave. Not only that, they don’t complain about what services aren’t available. The restaurants in Dillingham don’t count on meeting payroll from tourists’ dollars.

The economic base of this area is different than Homer’s. Homer pretties up her streets for her guests. I can’t imagine Dillingham spending five plus years arguing over a traffic light. If the city needed it, they’d install it without a minutes concern about how the tourists would view such a modern thing in their quaint little town.

That doesn’t mean I assume Dillingham doesn’t have problems. The number of bars per capita dispels such an idea. What can I say? Homer has a problem with alcohol, too.

Right now, all I know is I want to learn more about this area. I want to learn the good and if I listen, I’ll hear the bad. Every community has a healthy mix of both. I don’t expect any area to be all good. At the end of my assignment I won’t be an expert on Dillingham, but after living and working here I hope I’ll have a better idea of what this community is really like.

At the very least, I expect to have tasted a part of Alaska that’s very hard to find in 2005.

The only downside I see to this whole assignment is within my control. I can change it. I want to share it with my mate. I want him to see these things as I see them. That part of it I can’t change. I’m here. He’s back in Homer.

Eventually, we hope he can come over with the dogs. I do worry about the dogs over here. They’re used to their space. The apartment is a four-plex. The neighbors are big on slamming doors. My dogs break out into a healthy bark when they hear strange noises. I’m afraid they’ll find a lot to bark at around here. Not animal noise, but human noise.

So, after a little over 24 hours, the one aspect many don’t like about Dillingham, prices, hasn’t sent me into shock. I’d always heard Homer was the most expensive place on the road system, and even higher than some Bush areas. I believe it. What little I’ve seen, the cost of living is barely higher than Homer and if yesterday’s grocery experience was “normal” some items will be higher, some lower.

The veggies looked as fresh, if not fresher, than what I find in Homer.

The weather is similar to Homer’s. Yesterday was overcast, mid 50s. Today started with drizzle, then rain, back to drizzle and about 8ish p.m. some blue was showing with sunlight. It’s 9:37 p.m. now. It’s dusky. Within an half hour I expect it will be dark. I have the bedroom windows opened and the window in the kitchen. I turned the heater as low as it would go.

There were a few things I didn’t bring that I wished I had. One is a nice comforter. I love sleeping with the windows open and last night I did get cold.

There isn’t a bath mat, so one will be shipped in a care package. The apartment is furnished, including the kitchen. However, there are a few basics I’m missing. I don’t have a dish rag, or any tea towels. They are in the care package. I’d like to have a rug in the kitchen. It’s in the care package.

The towels are small, so two towels with five wash clothes are in the care package. Two extra pillow cases will be tossed in.

I’m not a coffee drinker, so I don’t miss not having a coffee pot. I do like toast. Too bad. There isn’t a toaster. I’m spoiled and love my microwave. I’ll have to learn to adjust to life without one.

In a few hours, I’ll be at work. I have a lot of questions. I expect several will be answered tomorrow. But for each one answered, I’m sure more questions will pop up.

I’ll attempt to share as much as possible.

To go, please

Things to do:

One more dental appointment. In reality, it's two in one. Whatever. At least that will be done by this time tomorrow.

Don't think about flying.

Find six pairs of brand new, freshly washed socks, place them in suitcase.

Don't think about flying.

Find the hardly ever worn underwear in back of drawer. Wash them, dry them, pack them in suitcase.

Don't think about flying.

Find wind up alarm clock.

Don't think about flying.

Decide where I want to go Thursday night. My youngest is taking me out to eat. Her treat. Huh? What a concept.

Don't think about flying.

Random thoughts

1. I need to create my lists. The list so the man who allows me to wash his dirty dishes can get the bills paid on time. Maybe a list to explain how he can wash his dirty dishes. A list detailing what I need to take. (Can you tell I'm not a list maker?)

2. Print off flight information.

3. Fill out paperwork explaining that I won't be here for jury duty in October.

4. Email George Bush and ask him why he hasn't fired "Brownie" yet?

5. Try to find enough people who are willing to admit that our two party system is shattered and then encourage them to help create a system where we, the people, are actually represented. Hint: It means a system where multi-parties are viable.

6. I wonder what my new hours will be. This sounds so pathetic, but will I be free on Tuesday nights so I can watch House? If not, is there a video player there so I can record it? Yeah, pathetic as hell. It's my one weakness when it comes to television. If there isn't a VCR, maybe Lori will record them for me. wink wink--nudge nudge.

7. Uh, check on internet service. Will I be disconnected for a few weeks? It might be a good thing, but it'll make keeping an on-line journal really tough.

8. Try not to think about flying. I hate flying. But I won't think about it. Which is why I'm not ready. I'll be so busy getting everything packed that I won't have time to worry about squeezing into a plane and hoping gravity doesn't win the war.

Making a list

I'm going to list my list.

What have I missed?

1-2 week survival kit

MREs (found in the sporting goods section)
Water
Water purifying tablets
Battery radio
Flash light
Spare batteries
Toilet paper
Wet wipes
Alcohol pads
Small first aid kit
P-38 (to open the canned food I plan to grab on the way out the door)
Big gun (to blow any looter to hell, so it shouldn't be too large a gun, because I don't want to blow them to hell and back)

Each of us should have a survival pack. Not only that, we need to have several ways to find our families if we're seperated from them in a disaster.

Our first line of survival and defense is ourselves. As all of us have learned, in a huge disaster we can't count on any form of government for an immediate rescue.

What's on your list that I've forgotten?

An email from the trenches

The need is so great that it boggles the mind on how to start helping those who need help.

Please go here. It's one tiny town who has some specific things each of us can do. No, it's not helping everyone, but it's helping someone.

Thanks and please do what you can for these people.

There's plenty of blame

Addendum: I almost deleted this. This honestly isn't an entry about who to blame. It's my attempt to understand how this happened. I want to blame someone for this, too. But there's too many and right now, blaming others doesn't help those people in New Orleans right now. Mainly, this is a history and how things got to the level they've reached. If we're to learn anything, don't expect any level of government to protect you in a disaster. Know the shortcomings of your particular area and have enough on hand to survive a week without any help from the government in an emergency.

I'm functioning on an hours worth of sleep.

I spend way too much time glued to the television and other blogs.

Please, there's so much blame to go around it's really unfair to blame one person or entity.

Who should we blame?

Let's go way back to the first idiot that thought it was a grand idea to create a community in an area that was below sea level. Oops, they're all dead. It's just not as fun to blame people who've been dead for a couple centuries.

Let's start with the levees. Let's go back to Camille. We've had Dems and Repubs in the White House, Senate and House since then. Nixon dropped the ball, as did Ford, Carter, Regean, Bush 41, Clinton and Bush 43. They've known for decades the levees weren't strong enough to stand a Category 4 or 5 hurricane.

With the research I've done, it appears that Louisiana also has a habit of asking for more federal money than they knew they could come up with matching funds for. That's the way our state and federal governments work together. I didn't make the rules and hell, let's be honest, this matching funds thing has been around for decades. It's not a brand new concept.

Maybe we should just get over the history, because we have 200 years of mistakes and various people/entities dropping the ball.

Let's go to Katrina growing to a Category 5 in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico. A week ago.

On Saturday, Gov. Blanco ordered a mandatory evacuation of New Orleans. Unfortunately, in the USA, a mandatory evacuation doesn't mean a person really has to evacuate. We are a country where if we want to make stupid choices that don't harm others, only ourselves, our government allows us to do so. (Don't get your tails in a tizzy, I'll brouch the other reasons why people didn't leave.) I'm not sure what type of order one needs to force people to evacuate their homes, but it's not something that's done easily in this country. It's the way we want it, too. The day our government can force us from our homes, even for our own safety, is the day they'd better have a damned good reason.

Why didn't those people leave? I've lived in hurricane country. The truth: most people who live in such a spot honestly believe the storm will shift just enough to save them. The ones who made it through Camille assumed she was the worst of the worst. They were wrong. But they'd survived a horrible storm, so this one wouldn't be any worse. It's the same mentality each of us uses when we get upset by the vehicle in front of us that's going the exact speed limit and we pass them, breaking the speed limit laws by doing so. We've all done it. Each of us has that mentality in us.

Then there are the ones who couldn't leave. New Orleans has a wonderful public transit system, so it has a high portion of the population who doesn't own a vehicle. Yeah, they can walk. What about the woman who happens to be in her last month of pregnancy? It's hotter than hell on the roads. Can she even make it across one of the bridges? Or the young couple who are without a vehicle and they have a new born at home? Or the elderly? The disabled? Yeah, there's some lazy ones tossed in there, too. But what about the family who has three kids, ages two months, 18 months and four years? How were they to leave?

If Gov Blanco and the mayor wanted them out, why didn't they help them get out? Why didn't they use some of these to get those who wanted to leave out of New Orleans?

Or what about the evacuation plan that each city has in place for whatever their local disaster might be? I can't find the link to the NO disaster plan, but I located it earlier today. Sorry. But they did have a plan that, from everything I could find, was never practiced.

I watched the news prior to Katrina hitting. The media was giving worst case scenarios. Wind damage. Broken levees. Flooding. A failed grid. Contaminated water system. Fires. I heard them discuss all these things before Katrina hit. Where did they get those worst case events? Studies? They've known for decades what a direct hit from a Category 4 or 5 hurricane could cause. Why didn't they practice their disaster plan?

Why didn't they (the city and state) use some of those school buses on Saturaday and Sunday to remove those who wanted out and couldn't get out?

Has it taken too long for federal aid to arrive? Hell yes. We watched as an American city, an American icon, has gone from a great city to a third world country.

We've had a governor order our military to shoot to kill our citizens. We have a city where the dead are floating in the flood waters. We have a city where thugs are shooting at rescue attempts. We have a city where our citizens survived the hurricane, survived the flood, but died from dehydration as the police department ignored them. We have a city where our citizens were told they could have shelter at the Superdome and Convention Center, only to go there to be raped, beaten, murdered and endure more starvation and dehydration.

All eyes have been on New Orleans. We've sat in our homes and watched this happen. And we've felt helpless. I'm sure almost everyone of us alternated between dispair and rage.

So, who should we blame? Katrina. If you want someone else to blame, start with our building codes. We're spoiled. We know our buildings meet a standard and only the worst Mother Nature flings at us will harm us. Since Mother Nature doesn't fling the worst at us too often, we feel safe. Safer than we really are.

Not happy with that? Okay. Blame the government of New Orleans. Add the state government to the list. And yes, add the federal government. But to blame only one of the entities is ignoring the history of New Orleans. And the history of the United States. There's plenty of blame to go around, starting with those who could leave and didn't, to every level of government.

But honestly, shouldn't we wait until at least one of the bodies in NO can be buried before we point too many fingers? Shouldn't we wait until all those still alive have been rescued? Shouldn't we be praying for all those in the hurricane areas?

We can place the blame later. Right now, we still have people who need water, food and a way out of New Orleans.

Don't read me today

Read this instead. All of it. Once you've finished reading it, tell him yes. Yes, you'll help them. Then do it.

The last time I felt t his helpless was almost four years ago. Please help these people.